I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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