I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
