i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
