i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
