lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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