to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't put those talents on a resume
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
