Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
