my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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