He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
