u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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