i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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