Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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