I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
