Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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