I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
