Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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