i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
