I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
