Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
