I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
