I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
