he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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