Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
