Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
