we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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