Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
