Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
