Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
