I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
