his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i love accidental penises.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
