If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
