you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
