I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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