the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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