So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
