My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
