she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't deserve a penis
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
