Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
