are you still at the devil's house?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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