She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
