I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry about my life...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
