dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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