He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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