My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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