Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
