Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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