If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
