I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
