Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just invented taco cereal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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