ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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