alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Alive.
So much puke
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
