My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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