I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
