she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
