my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
