Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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